A lot of us are planning on making some New Year’s resolutions, and I want to offer a bit of an alternative thought on this.
A lot of coaches talk about setting goals and making resolutions but rarely do they talk about the moment you have a setback or a failure. They advertise training, gym memberships, new diets, or a new way to get you on track for the New Year, which is great, but…
I’m interested in the Revolution AFTER the Resolution!
We’ve all seen the gyms fill up on January 2nd, as well as the motivational posts and public declarations of what we’re going to accomplish in the new year.
If history is any indication of what happens shortly thereafter, half, if not more, of these will be forgotten or given up by Valentine’s Day.
What I want to challenge you to do is expect to fail and embrace it when it happens!
I want you to shoot, I want you to miss, and I want you to learn. That is how we grow. Too often, we make a goal (or resolution) and then, at the first stumbling block, throw in the towel. It is here that I want you to contact me! I want to hear all about it. There is even a Skype button on my site that you can use to text me in real time! This is where real coaching really comes to life. Anyone can pump you up with encouragement and optimism. What I am hoping to do is work with you through the roadblock and then get you to see the new, better path more clearly.
It is in our nature to learn and grow this way. Evolution itself is a series of trials and errors. It is the errors that force the adjustments, and it is the adjustments that lead to success. This is how we get good at anything. If you consider that this is how almost everything works in our world, we shouldn’t fear or avoid potential failures—instead, we should hope they come fast and often.
Failure is not the opposite of success, it is the catalyst.
Since we all just watched the World Cup, let me try to explain this in corner kick success. These players kick from the corner of the field and bend the ball around toward the front of the goal, it looks to defy physics. Most of the time they are near or on target. They are able to do this because they take this kick 1000s of times in their lives adjusting each time they miss the mark. They aren’t reading physics books or calculating angles. It is the 1000s of misses that they have adjusted to make it more likely than not that they will be on target when it counts. While accurate corner kicks do provide some feedback, it is the missed ones that are more common and provide a greater opportunity for adjustment.
There was a time when I let fear of failure keep me from trying things outside of my comfort zone, or simply staying safe in the comfort of knowing that if I don’t make a resolution, I can’t break it. Little did I know that what I was afraid of was the thing I most needed and benefited from.
Failure is a better teacher than any expensive university.
What is anyone really worth without failures?
Once we reframe what failures actually mean and how they can work for us, instead of against us, we can be free of the fear of failure and accomplish so much more.
That does not mean that I want you to deliberately set out to fail. Let’s always try to put ourselves in the best position to succeed, and I have a tip for you to use this year…
Maybe you do not want to set the same goal every year to get the same result, or maybe you think resolutions are silly since they never stick…
Here is my best tip for making good resolutions that work:
Whatever you choose to do, do it selflessly with someone else as the beneficiary. For example, a lot of people naturally choose fitness or weight loss as a New Year’s goal. Some might want to earn more money. Maybe you want more peace in your life—all of these are admirable goals. This year, however, try doing it for your children, to lead someone else to better health, or to support a friend in need. Put your focus not on how it will benefit you (which it most certainly will), but on how this year’s resolution will help someone else! We can use this minor reframing exercise to reinforce our own goals while also positively impacting those around us. Imagine how powerful that is. This is an often underused life hack. When we take the focus off of ourselves, we have more motivation to accomplish the goal. We are wired to perform for the benefit of others.
Give this a try this year, and let me know what you choose.
My resolution this year is to ambitiously pursue deeper relationships with my clients and the people closest to me. This goal will encourage me to communicate better, and really make others a priority in my life. Oh yeah, also to lose body fat…see you can do both 🙂
“To achieve personal meaning, one must transcend subjective pleasures by doing something for someone other than oneself, by giving oneself to a cause to serve or to a person to love.”
Viktor Frankl
“My goal is to change your mindset so that together, we can change the world“
