And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Philipppians 4″7
There are many accounts of people who endure horrible tragedies and emerge with a new level of consciousness as a result of their loss. Whether the loss is love, money, health, children, or physical abilities, In some cases, like my own, you lose them all at once. Whatever I had once identified with. My muscles, my wealth, and my pretty girlfriend had all been taken away in an instant. These things previously gave me a sense of self, and in losing them, I literally and figuratively lost myself. Who was I? I was poor, fragile, heartbroken, and dying. All the things that I had to live for were no longer there. However, after the fear and anguish dissipated, I became calm, happy, and at peace. Maybe more importantly, I was free from all the fears that I live with today. Sure, I still had the fear of death looming over my head, but you might be surprised to know that that anxiety seemed to be less than the everyday anxiety I feel and that we all feel in our lives. I reflect on that time today as I have been struggling with anxiety, uncertainty, and depression.
I wouldn’t dare say I was happier dying than I was living, but I did have a certain peace that I don’t feel when caught up in the race of chasing the next best thing. It was a peace that Paul in Philippians says “transcends all understanding,” and it does. But why?
Once you realize what the ego is and how it works, you can better understand it. I don’t think you would have to look very far to find someone who would tell you I have a big ego, but what they don’t understand is that we all do. The difference is that, as a result of my brush with death, I now observe my ego as a bystander, and not as a true reflection of myself. I know who I am because I was him when there was nothing. When the pillars of who I thought I was were all destroyed, the ego collapsed with them, and there is where peace resides.
The forms you identify with give you a sense of self, when they collapse, they take the ego with them, leaving you with only your “beingness” freed from the entanglement of form. You realize that your essential identity is formless and that your true identity is consciousness itself instead of what consciousness is identified with. The ultimate truth of who you are is not “I am this” or “I am that,”, but, simply I am.
When tragedy strikes, as has been the case in other areas of my life. My ego can easily find victimhood or blame. This is what the ego does. It craves form over anything else. It needs a name; it needs to be acknowledged and identified; without this, it is dead.
When tragedy comes, you resist or you yield, and this is where my faith in God enabled me to heal. With such a divine example of this in my own life, it is shameful and embarrassing that I have to admit to you that during much smaller trials in my life, I have allowed my ego to rule and make me bitter and resentful. How did I go from being dumped, homeless, and dying but still grateful and at peace to letting much smaller problems give me anxiety, depression, and dread?
Yielding means giving way to what is, whereas resistance is like an emotional stranglehold that you apply to yourself, hardening the shell of your ego. Sure, the ego is fulfilled, but the peace is gone. Four years ago, it was a surrender that healed me and opened a new level of consciousness in me. Today, I fall short of that, but one thing I am able to take from it and hopefully share with you is that the key is to, instead of identifying with the ego or becoming that, observe it as a third party. You are going to always have this ego, but you cannot and must not identify with it. See it for what it is, note it, and reflect on who you really are, not merely who you identify as today.
I promise that the being inside you is greater and more powerful than any extrinsic moment, feeling, or thing. When you consider who you really are and your powerful immortality, it is hard to be anxious or depressed.
“I do not mean to say that you will become happy in such a situation. You will not. But fear and pain will become transmuted into an inner peace and serenity that come from a very deep place – from the Unmanifested itself. It is “the peace of God, which passes all understanding.” Compared to that, happiness is quite a shallow thing. With this radiant peace comes the realization – not on the level of mind but within the depth of your Being – that you are indestructible, immortal. This is not a belief. It is absolute certainty that needs no external evidence or proof from some secondary source.”
Eckhart Tolle
