The only thing that makes life unfair, is the delusion that it should be fair”
–Dr. Steve Maraboli–
I am pretty sure I have mentioned this before, but while sick and unable to do much other than exercise my brain, I did a lot of studying and reading.
One of the things that I think helped me recover was, instead of working my brain overtime worrying about what was going to happen to me, devoting whatever time I had left, to helping others in ways that I most needed at my darkest points.
This led me to take classes in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and neurolinguistic programming (NLP). Over 100+ hours of classes later, I became a Certified CBT Therapist and a Master NLP Practitioner. (Who could imagine?) I took some other courses on nutrition, exercise, and meditation (I had a whole lot of time), but these two certificates were closely aligned with my Christian Stoic philosophy, and really put me in the best position to help others through consulting, speaking, and writing.
I tell you this, not to brag about certifications, but to point out that one of the preconditions of NLP and one of the resounding tenets of CBT is that we really need to get people away from the thought that life is or should be fair. It is the underlying cause of a lot of pain. We have all heard this from the time when we were little kids, in therapy, and now in research, but still when things in life happen that are unfair, our lizard brains immediately react to the unfairness of it all! Even though we have been told this over 1,000 times by our 30th birthday, it never stops coming as a shock.
How could he/she do that to me?
Why do I have to miss this event?
When is it going to be my turn?
These questions, and many others, creep into our lives over and over. The internal need for fairness or justice will leave you angry, hurt, sad, and depressed.
How do we get past it?
Hearing “that is just the way the cookie crumbles” doesn’t help anyone.
Let me try to change your mind on this a little bit and give you something else to focus on when “this is not fair” creeps into your mind.
Life is not fair, and Thank God!
Most of us, even at our worst, are lucky that life isn’t fair. Especially in America, where we have well more than we need. Running water, temperature control in any element, so much food that we need people to help us stop eating it, microwaves, Google, modern medicine, etc. If you had your health alone, there is a giant list of people who would trade places with you tomorrow, and that’s even if you just broke up with your boyfriend/girlfriend or went bankrupt. We are all far better off than many. If life were truly fair, you would likely have less.
When I began to pray seriously and talk to God in a way that one would talk to an omnipotent being. Removing myself and my needs from it is when I began to see real change. You can read more about that experience here.
It shook me to recognize that if I got half of what I deserved, I would be 100 times worse off.
