How to Deal with a Narcissist (assuming you even know one)
In the digital age, the term “narcissist” is thrown around on social media with astonishing frequency. It seems like every other post accuses someone of narcissism. However, let’s pause for a moment and delve deeper into what true narcissism entails. Contrary to popular belief, a true narcissist goes beyond mere self-absorption or moving on swiftly from relationships. Understanding the nuances of this term can help us use it more responsibly and accurately.
Unmasking the True Narcissist
A genuine narcissist lacks empathy to an extreme degree. Their self-importance knows no bounds, and they demand incessant admiration. Privileges and special treatment are non-negotiable in their eyes, regardless of achievements. Their sense of superiority is disproportionate to reality, making their talents and accomplishments appear grander than they are.
However, when we scrutinize individuals we might label as narcissistic, we often discover something different. The facade of grandiosity is a shield for deep-seated insecurity. What might appear as narcissism is often a coping mechanism to mask their true feelings of inadequacy. True narcissists, as defined by the Mayo Clinic, are relatively rare, making up only about 1% of the population.
Narcissistic Traits in All of Us
It’s important to recognize that everyone exhibits narcissistic behaviors occasionally, just as any person can display moments of mania or obsessive-compulsive behavior. However, these transient tendencies don’t equate to a diagnosis of narcissism or any other personality disorder. Similarly, accusing someone of narcissism based on a lack of validation or attention is a misapplication of the term.
Strategies for Handling Those Who Exhibit Narcissistic Traits
What if we encounter individuals who demonstrate narcissistic traits? Here are some strategies to consider:
1. Highlighting Similarities: By emphasizing shared experiences, interests, or connections, you can disarm the narcissistic tendency to inflate their own importance. Their self-focus can lead them to resonate with others who share commonalities.
2. Showcasing Vulnerability: While it might seem counterintuitive, revealing vulnerabilities can disarm narcissists. Empathy exists even within those who display narcissistic traits. If they exploit your vulnerability, it becomes evident that their self-absorption is not superficial, warranting a reassessment of your relationship.
3. Emphasizing Community: Remind the individual of their relationships and roles within a larger community. Narcissists, despite their tendencies, still respond to social dynamics. Fostering empathy through community connections can elicit a more compassionate response.
4. Appealing to Perception: Narcissists care about how they’re perceived. Asking them how their actions might be perceived by others can be an effective way to bring them back to reality, even momentarily.
A Final Note on Perspective
When utilizing these strategies, remember that they are designed to address behaviors that lean toward narcissism, rather than genuine narcissistic personality disorder. True narcissists won’t respond to these interventions, making it crucial to discern between mere tendencies and diagnosable disorders. Empower yourself by taking control of your interactions and influencing your own emotional well-being.
Ultimately, accusing someone of narcissism should not absolve us of our role in interactions. It’s essential to avoid projecting complex personality disorders onto every individual who exhibits self-centered behaviors. By cultivating empathy, understanding, and open communication, we can elevate our conversations and truly contribute to creating meaningful change, both in our lives and in the lives of others.
