Loosening Your Grip on Control

Letting go of control is an especially relevant skill if you have any sort of anxiety problems, including obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), panic disorder, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).  All of these can be helped and maintained with cognitive behavioral therapy, which I practice with most of my clients.  Needing to let go of control also applies to other emotional problems such as anger, jealousy, and eating disorders.  I have learned from experience that the best things happen when I relinquish control.  Not only does this bring me more peace overall, but I find that without my pushing square pegs into round holes, I achieve more favorable outcomes.  This is not to say that you should abandon all efforts in trying to work things out in your favor, but more to not dwell on the things you cannot control.  You can see the benefit of this is regaining health.  Stress is an absolute health killer, and when we are fighting a battle with our own bodies, the last thing we need is stress.  I wrote more about stress’s impact on our health, and you can read that here

Things in our control are opinion, pursuit, desire, aversion, and, in a word, whatever are our own actions. Things not in our control are body, property, reputation, command, and, in one word, whatever are not our own actions

Symptoms of Holding on to Control too Hard.

• Trying to limit your body’s sensations because you believe that certain symptoms will result in harm to yourself.  For example:  If I don’t stop feeling dizzy, I will pass out
• Trying to control and monitor your thoughts because you think if they get out of control you will “go crazy”.  We hall have disturbing thoughts.  
• Being very controlling about the types of food you eat, when you eat, and how much.  Moderation is key.
• Suppressing upsetting thoughts, doubts, or images because you believe that allowing them to enter your mind will cause harm to yourself or others.
• Trying to control your body’s physical reactions to anxiety because you are afraid of others judging you

Trying to control the uncontrollable is destined to leave you feeling powerless and ineffective.  Instead of striving for control look to change your attitude about needing control by accepting the discomfort of certain situations and feelings as merely inconvenient

If you try too hard to gain control, you often end up with:

• Focusing more on feeling out of control, thus making yourself feel even more powerless than you did to start with
• Trying to control things that go against biology, like the need for food, leads to a preoccupation and a further diminished sense of control.
• Putting pressure on yourself to control symptoms and thoughts that aren’t within your control, thus leads to more anxiety.
• Making incorrect conclusions that something must be wrong with you because you cant keep symptoms under control. Thus making you feel more anxious feeling racing thoughts and more unpleasant physical sensations.

Letting go of control is not easy, nor has it been easy in my life.  However, there are real exercises and tools you can use to help.  If you are having trouble with any of these, please feel free to reach out to me in the links at the bottom

I am here to help!